It has been a long time since I have written here. The silence was not because I had nothing to say, but because I could not find the strength to say it. So much has happened since my last post, and for a while I was just trying to survive the weight of it all.
In 2022 my service dog retired from public access. That might sound like a small detail to some, but it was life altering for me. My dog had been my anchor, my constant, the one who walked through the hardest moments right beside me. Losing that daily partnership felt like losing a piece of myself. I had to relearn what independence looked like, and it was painful.
Then 2023 came and I lost my best friend and father figure. The grief was like a tidal wave that never pulled back. I did not know how to breathe without his presence in my life. He was the kind of steady I could lean on, and when he was gone the world tilted in a way that left me unsteady and searching.
By 2024 the darkness had swallowed me whole. I tried to find comfort in dating again, but nothing seemed to last. My personal life fell apart in ways that stripped me of my dignity and left me questioning everything I thought I knew about myself. There were nights when the thoughts of ending it all never let up. Days when I could not see a single reason to keep going. I felt broken beyond repair.
But then 2025 came, and something shifted. I cannot point to a single moment, but slowly I started clawing my way back to life. I began going out again, this time with no alcohol clouding my mind. I made friends who see me and love me as I am, not for what I can offer them or how well I can hide my pain. I picked up my pen again and poured myself back into writing. I even found the courage to share my poetry at open mics, speaking my truth out loud instead of burying it in silence.
This year has not erased the past or healed every wound, but it has shown me that hope is still possible. It has reminded me that I can create light even when the darkness feels endless. I am not the same person I was when I stopped writing here, but maybe that is the point.
If you are reading this, thank you for being here. This blog has always been a space for honesty, and I plan to keep showing up with the messy, the heavy, and the hopeful. I am still here. I am still fighting. And for the first time in a long time, I believe that better days are coming.